I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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