dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
