So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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