There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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