We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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