just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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