you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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