my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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