it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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