And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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