you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize