I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sarcasm needs its own font
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
