can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
