How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
