I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
