I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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