thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
