I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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