I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
