Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm at about main and main street
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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