Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Best friends brother. Beat that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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