i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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