I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
