You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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