She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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