mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
