a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
