Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
