I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
