Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
