when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
