There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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