I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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