Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
