the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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