someone threw a dead crab at me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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