he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
