i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
