Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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