i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
