i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
