JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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