i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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