happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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