Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
