its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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