Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
