i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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