Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
