I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
