look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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