Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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