Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
