I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
