Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
