I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
