i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sobbing to NWA
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
