She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
