you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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