You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
