What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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