Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
