We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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