why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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