i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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