you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
