she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
