No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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