I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
