I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
