blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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