hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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