No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
