I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
