the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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