So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize