I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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